There are many tactics that are used in business to close deals, persuade potential customers, and gain power. One such tactic is known as gaslighting, and we’re here to talk about what it is – and why you shouldn’t do it to your customers.
The term “gaslighting” is used in psychology to refer to a method of manipulation that makes the target question their own judgement, reality, and sanity.
The concept made its debut in the late 1930s and early 1940s, when a stage play and two movie adaptations bearing the title “Gaslight” (or “Gas Light,” depending on the production) told the dramatic and disturbing tale of a wife who was led to believe she was insane by her manipulative husband. Over time, her husband employs several strategies to make his target question her reality – including secretly dimming the gas lights in their home, and then denying that any change has occurred when his wife comments on it.
Gaslighting can be done intentionally or unintentionally, and is a strategy that is frequently used by abusers, narcissists, and malevolent leaders. The process does not always look the same, and can be very difficult to identify.
The manipulative behaviors involved in gaslighting are diverse, and can include:
- Lying and denying facts, even when presented with contradictory proof
- Insulting a quality or possession that is important to the target
- Acting in ways that contradict their words
- Confusing the target by changing behavior at random intervals
- Spreading rumors or talking negatively about the target with other people
- Attempting to convince the target that other people are against them
- Subtly doing all of the above (and possibly more) over a long period of time, so that no one action can be pinpointed as malicious
Sounds pretty awful, doesn’t it? In recent years, the term “gaslighting” has branched out from psychology journals and into the popular lexicon. With greater public knowledge of this and other manipulation tactics, comes a greater awareness of how we interact with one another.
So, what does gaslighting have to do with you and your consulting work? You’re not a manipulative person or a dictator, and certainly don’t want to drive your customers insane! As we pointed out earlier, gaslighting can occur unintentionally, and although it is most frequently documented in romantic and personal relationships, gaslighting behaviors can creep into business relationships as well.
Of course, your methods of accidentally gaslighting your customers will be much less insidious than lying about the lighting in the room, and you’re not likely to actually make them question their sense of reality; the effect can be detrimental nonetheless.
Ways that a consultant might gaslight a client include:
- Disregarding the client’s ideas and perceptions
- Neglecting to follow through on commitments
- Denying responsibility when issues arise as a result of the consultant’s work
- Downplaying the importance of aforementioned issues
- Unfavorably comparing the client to their competitors
- Suggesting that other customers are easier and more pleasant
- Questioning the client’s work ethic, business model, or other quality unrelated to the project at hand
Specific behaviors will vary among industries and customers, but the generally negative behavior remains the same. When listed, it seems obvious that treating a client in this way will not make for a great working relationship, and will unlikely land referrals or repeat business.
Your customers’ perceptions of you, your work, and your business are of the utmost importance to your success. For that reason, you never want to discourage them, even subtly or subconsciously, from sharing those perceptions with you.
Perhaps most importantly, the perceptions that customers share with you – about their own work, their industry, what they need from you, and where they want their business to go – are exactly what you need to work for them effectively, and provide them with a product or service that makes them truly happy.
If you subtly make customers doubt their own perceptions by unintentionally employing gaslighting tactics, they will not share their ideas with you, they will come to distrust you, and you will not be able to do your best work.
You can avoid gaslighting by paying full intention to the way in which you interact with others – not only customers, but co-workers, friends, and strangers as well. This awareness will help you treat those around you with kindness and positivity, two traits that make you magnetic to others and are sure to help build your success!
Contact us to talk more about the ins and outs of consulting, and see if Unstoppable Software can help take your business to the next level with custom software!
